If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
