Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
