Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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