you traded sex for a burrito?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
