WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
