I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
