YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
