thus making me awesome and them whores
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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