im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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