I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
