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I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
