All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
