Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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