We named our party play list daddy issues
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
