Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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