he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
