If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
