i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
