so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
