Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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