Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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