Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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