so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
