I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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