I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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