I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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