So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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