Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How naked do you want me to be?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
