you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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