oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
