Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
