I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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