I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
