Already got asked if we're dating
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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