i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
