P.S. I can't hear my feet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize