anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
