Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
