I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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