Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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