Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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