i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
