And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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