He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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