there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
