remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
