Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
