I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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