So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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