well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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