please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
