Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
