Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize