I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
