I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
