I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
