Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
